It’s been such a long time since I sat down to write. I’ve really missed getting my thoughts and feelings down and releasing the emotions that come with them. It’s strange really – these past few weeks have probably been the time I should have been writing the most but I’ve just had so much on at work, I’ve not had a spare minute.
In the last 3 weeks, we’ve had a death in the family, a family reunion, my mother has been in hospital, my dog was attacked, I’ve run 3 workshops and booked over 500 people in for jobs at work. It has been manic – and at times I’ve felt like I couldn’t cope with the incoming tidal wave. I’ve had breakdowns at my desk, and moments where I’ve just needed to scream into a pillow. But now that this week is over, I can start to breathe again and I feel like a weight has been lifted.
My uncle sadly passed away suddenly – he had sepsis, unbeknown to him, which brought on a heart attack and my cousins had to make the difficult decision to turn off his life support machine. My uncle was my dad’s brother – and my dad’s side of the family aren’t close. But my uncle and my dad were close and I had to pass on the awful news that his brother had sadly died. It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do and I know he’s struggled with the news. I was anxious about the funeral as there were relatives there that I’ve not seen in over 10-15 years. Others hadn’t seen me since I was a toddler. So I was really apprehensive – and also the fact I was taking time off of work at our busiest time.
The funeral was actually a very lovely, emotional service. I cried for him, I’d only seen him a few months prior after years and years. I cried for my cousins, it pained me to see them hurting so much – and I cried for my dad. My dad relied on my uncle a lot and only had myself and his brother for support. His other two brothers cut him out of their lives and each other. They’ve all led very separate lives in their adulthood. But the funeral somehow brought us all together – they promised they would be there for my dad more, which meant a great deal to us both. We went for a meal and caught up on the last 20-odd years and I went home feeling at peace and happy. Family, for me, is life – and I’ve always felt uneasy that whilst in my mother’s family, I have ties to them all – yet on my dad’s, I knew only my two cousins. Quite sad. But the funeral has helped to build bridges and we all feel like we have a family again. It was a beautiful day – I’ll never forget it.
It really hit home the importance of communication. We are so hooked up 24/7 to our phones but there isn’t actually much communication between people. One of my uncles doesn’t even have a mobile phone. The other is glued to his. If we all made more effort to actually talk rather than ‘like’ statuses or photos, then bonds could have been built. We now have a group chat and can talk regularly and have agreed to meet up again when we scatter the ashes. We’ve been sharing old photos and memories – it really has been such an experience – both sad and happy at the same time.
I really do feel at peace after such a long time.
I’m still in the midst of my busiest time of year at work which runs from March to July. This year has been even more difficult as there’s just me whereas last year there were two of us. I have a big input into medical exams at universities for student doctors and my work is so important. This week was one of the worst I’ve ever had – but I made it through and was able to take a relaxing couple of days off for the funeral and family. I won’t be returning to blogging as often as I want just yet – I’ve still got a few more large exams to finish for work. But, I’m hoping once we’re into Summer, I can get back into it.
Thank you to the people who have been reading and checking in over the last few weeks. Something amazing did happen this week – one of my articles was published in a new magazine! The article is already on my blog but if you want to check out the magazine – it’s here: Write To Tell magazine
So, I hope you all have an amazing few weeks. I deeply appreciate all your continued support and engagements as difficult as it has been to get some time to write. I’m looking forward to spending the Summer putting back some love into the blog.
Lots of love,